Here you go.. to make everyone happy...
Lets just clear some shit up...
I was talking about my boyfriend at the time Kyle Cloutier.. Not my friend Kyle Hester.
Me and Kyle Hester did not... I repeat.. did NOT have sex.
Anything else you want to know?? Why dont you fucking ask me instead of just writing shit about me??

Today was pretty good...Boring, but good. the family went for a drive, and out to lunch. It was nice to actually do something during the day. now im bored though. lol.
Im getting my tattoo next week!! Im so excited.. I have to wait till a day when my dad isnt working.. so its probably going to be around thursday.. but thats still pretty damn soon.. I cant wait!!!
I talked to my Panda Bear on the phone tonight.. I havent talked to her on the phone in exactly a month today..Which is pretty damn crazy considering that we normally talk on the phone every night. I cant wait to see her again. ILMU Panda!!!
I have to work tomorrow.. Totally not looking forward to it considering my back is still pretty messed from the last time. All I can say is that I better be getting some pretty damn good money at the end of all this. I have to save it all to go to MI... You're worth it Kyle lol.
Kay, Well i dont have much to say tonight.. I have to get up really early for work, so I cant stay on late tonight.. I need my beauty sleep lol.. and with my looks I need as much sleep as I can get lol...Goodnight!

I dont even know what to think anymore. I was so mad yesterday. So pissed and so Hurt. Now...Now that it took me forever to fall asleep...and when I finally did it was because I had been crying for so long. It has been so long since I have cried myself to sleep. I was thinking so much, I had so many thoughts running through my head, that I even forgot to turn off my light in my room. I didn't think that anything like this could happen to me. You just signed on.. I wonder if you are going to talk to me. In a way I want to talk to you.. I just want this to blow over and we can get back to the way we were.. but then again there is another part of me that doesnt want to talk to you right now because you are so into her, and so out of me. This is hard for me and I'm sorry if I seem like I dont care. I really do care. I will always care. Just like I will always love you. You know that. Don't ever question it. I tried so hard not to think about you today. today was going to be my day without you..I thought that would help me.. But I couldn't do it. I jsut couldnt stop thinking about you. I even mentioned it to my Dad that you were thinking about coming here sometime this summer. That is if you still want to. He said I must have made a good impression if you are willing to come all the way here just to see me. Did I make a good impression? or is this just a way to keep your mind off of her for a day or two? I saw how hard it was for me not to think about you for an entire day. It was impossible. And for you not to think about your first love for the rest of your life is also going to be impossible. And I'm sorry for forcing you to forget about her. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I;m sorry for not being supportive.. I;m just sorry.
Now that I know somewhat what you might be feeling...I understand.
Being with Kyle was the greatest couple months ever. And when my parents forced me to brreak up with him and told me that I could never talk to him or see him ever again. That was the hardest thing ever for me.. and I wasnt in love with him. After we broke up I didnt eat for three days straight and lost like 8 pounds. I sat in my room listenting to music all day. I was so heartbroken. I cant even imagine what you are going through, and for me to just assume that you could forget about her in an instant was really selfish of me. I jsut thought that when you found out that she had cheated on you like 8 times it would make it easier for you to forget. I was wrong. And I'm sorry.

I cant listen to this anymore!!
As SOON as I feel like we're getting closer, and heading in the right direction ... she interferes. You say you cant do this anymore. Either can I. I know it would be pretty damn bitchy to say pick me or her.. but, I cant compete anymore. When you came to see me.. you said dont talk about her. So I didn't.. but you couldn't stop. I thought that if I was there with you, you would want to be thinking about me.. not her. You would just stand there and stare off into nowhere and when i asked what you were thinking.. it was always about her, never about me. Yes, I'm jealous. Sorry, but I have liked you for so long, and she took you away from me for 10 months when you guys were going out.. you werent even allowed to talk to me.. at all!! I was so happy when we started talking again.. but I absolutely hate being your rebound girl. You came here looking for sex.. I know you did. Something to get your mind off of her again.. BUT then again I've been told that shes really good in bed..so how do I know you werent thinking about her the entire time anyways..I don't. I never will. because you are just going to tell me what I want to hear...not the truth. You love her to death and miss her so much, but you can easily see yourself spending the rest of your life with me? I dont get it. You say you would give anything to be with her again.. would you give up me?

today is going to be another boring crappy day. I can already tell. Im in so much pain..
I havent done anything yet.. and half of the day is already gone. I have to finish staining that shed today which is going to be hell. Other than that. Im doing nothing. But thats good that im not doing anything because im on holidays:P Im allowed to do nothing. lol

Im trying to keep myself busy.. but I cant stop thinking about you baby! Recently, that all that I have been thinking about. Hopefully one day I will be higher on your priority list than her. But I can wait till that day comes. Thats how much you mean to me. I dont know what I would do without you. You said that you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with me easy.. Thats all that I have been thinking about. And im liking that idea. Holding eachother close and just waking up next to eachother would be a dream come true.. I have never felt this way about a guy before.. its usually all about sex.. Its different this time though. It makes it more special to me. Okay I better go shower and get ready for the day.. I love you baby, and Im thinking about you all the time. Missing you like crazy! I want to be with you right now so bad!!! Kay..Im out. Have a good day:)

Im still in pain...My body was totally not made to do manual labour like that... No more cutting lawns for me. My back kills. I think I messed something up. I helped my dad finish building the deck today.. well i helped as much as i could considering my back is screwed. Tomorrow I have nothing planned...Porbably finish painting the shed. I need all the money I can get to go to MI..I cant wait to go. Some great shopping.. and great guys all in the same place... well one guy in particular.. we still have to find someone for panda though.. unless we bring Jake and stop to get him on the way lol. you dont know how hard it is for me to save all my money! I like to buy things lol. So far i have $300 and thats just from babysitting... I dont think its going to take me too much longer to have enough money. That is if I actually save it all lol.
Tonight we went to The movies...Me my dad my stepmom and my brother.. to see Monster house. My brother picked. Everyone wanted to see POTC but since I have already seen it.. This was the next best thing that everyone agreed on.. It was totally a movie that could have waited to be seen at home.
I know I'm not old and should't be thinking about this.. but I can't wait to get married. I have it all planned out lol. idk where that came from.. I was just thinking about it today for some reason. I want to look, and feel like a princess.:)
I'm frustrated at myspace. It keeps going down. I need to get at my messages lol. What ever happened to email? lol no one ever emails me.. I'm always myspaced lol.
I can't stop thinking about you hun. I just want to have you by my side again. That was the greatest feeling ever. Damn, I wish we lived closer. But for you.. I would consider moving closer so we could be together.. When I'm done school that is:P...
..Kay its late.. My eyes are starting to get sleepy...Goodnight.

Poll #776645 Love.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 0

Do you believe in love at first sight?

"Far Away"

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go